Want to know what’s really spooky? Going to a crazy optometrist.
Ok, so maybe it’s less spooky than it is annoying, but you get the idea.
My contacts prescription was up, and I was down to my last pair, so I went in for an appointment last week. And it was a completely bizarre experience! Both the nurse and the optometrist accused me of “cheating” on my little eye tests more than once.
I guess they thought I was going after a prescription for the “hard stuff” or something. I mean– wouldn’t want me getting some crazy high off of really strong contacts or something, now would we??
The optometrist only gave me 1.5 seconds to tell her which slide was clearest (you know, when they’re sliding lenses over your eyes and saying “1 or 2?”). She had just recently returned from an optometry conference (imagine that crazy party scene!) where she had learned that after 1.5 seconds a patient is over-thinking their choice, which (apparently) botches the results.
So she’d flip the lenses and say “Clear, blurry, or about the same?”
Her: Darn it! You’re thinking about it! Now we have to start over again! 1.5 seconds…. GO!
Me: um, er, about the same!
Her: WRONG! They can’t be about the same. Clear or blurry?
Me: um… *gulp* Clear?
Her: That sounds like a question.
Me: It is a question. They look the same.
Her: But they can’t look the same. Stop thinking about it. 1.5 seconds, GO!
Me: Um, I don’t know! Blurry! I think. Is blurry right??
Her: Ok, so you need a -4.0 now. Wow! Your prescription has sure changed! (uh, YEAH. From a -1.25???)
Me: Can we try that again? There’s no way that’s right.
Her: No. You’re over-thinking it and trying to get a certain prescription.
I kid you not. That’s how my visit went. So then I picked out some new frames, they gave me a contacts sample to try, and then sent me on my way with a promise to call when my new glasses came in.
I’ve been wearing the contacts for about 5 days now, and I hate them. So when I went to pick up my glasses, I asked to sample a different brand. They hemmed and hawed over it, and finally said the Doctor would have to call me later about that.
Fine. Okay. Whatever. Just get me out of this psycho house.
So I get home and try on my glasses sans contacts (lesson learned, ALWAYS do this in the store). And it looks like I’m walking in a clown house! The prescription is WAY too strong. So I call immediately to let them know and ask if I can come in for another exam. They say they’ll have to have the Doctor call me back.
She phones a few minutes later:
Her: I hear you don’t like your contacts, and you think they’re dry?
Me: Yeah, are there any other brands you’d recommend?
Her: It’s not the contacts ma’am. It’s your eyes. They’re dry and I can’t do anything about that.
Me: uh…. could you recommend some contacts that are a good fit for someone with dry eyes?
Her: Well the real problem is that you sleep in your contacts.
Me: No, I don’t.
Her: It says in your file that you do.
Me. Ok. But I’m telling you that I don’t. Maybe I have once or twice when I fall asleep on the couch or something, but that’s it.
Her: So you admit to sleeping in your contacts?
*omg… is this happening???*
Me: well, sure. Fine. Once or twice, yeah. But hey, we don’t have to decide this now. I’m coming in on Friday, because my glasses are too strong of a prescription, and I’d like to get re-examined.
Her: No, I don’t think so. I’m looking at your prescription right now, and it’s correct. It says it right here on the paper.
Me: Right….. about that. I don’t think you wrote the right prescription. It feels way too strong.
Her: just wear them all the time, you’ll get used to it. I know it’s the right prescription, because I wrote it down after your appointment.
(well, gee, thank goodness for that!)
Me: I don’t really think that’s a great idea. Like… I can’t see with these glasses. And it feels like a completely different prescription than my contacts!
Her: you’ll be fine. Just stop sleeping in your contacts. I can’t help you if you don’t help yourself.
Me: Um, ok. See you Friday?
It’s not just me, right? Like… that has to be one of the weirdest optometry experiences ever, right!?
Anyway. It really has nothing to do with these yummy Halloween Pops other than being total opposites…. If you’re looking for something quick, easy, and sure to put a smile on your face, make these spiderweb s’mores pops!
But if you’re looking for a long, exhausting, drawn-out way to get a headache– pick up the phone and give my optometrist a call. That should do the trick in no time at all!
Don’t miss a bite!
Connect with Something Swanky:
Be sure to check out more Halloween fun in these posts: