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I know I've missed a week or two, sorry for the absence! Things have been just CRAZY around here, with no signs of slowing down in June.

Anyway. I have been both dreading and looking forward to this post since my last Skinny Saturday report. Looking forward to it because I had some pretty great success in the past two weeks. Dreading it because I'm a little worried about harsh judgements regarding my methods. And also dreading it because I've already undone a lot of the success I had.

So before I delve into the past two weeks, please just keep in mind that any negative comments won't be published. But I'll still see them, so be kind please. I'm not advocating or suggesting any particular weight loss method. What works for everyone will be different. This is just my own personal experience and journey.

A couple of weeks ago, I weighed about 185 lbs. A friend of mine mentioned that her husband has recently used HCG to lose some weight. Which reminded me of Kristen's story, who had also found success with HCG. Her story had always intrigued me, but I didn't think the weight loss would really be significant, and if it was– I didn't think it would be real weight loss. But after seeing a real life example, standing in my living room, having visibly lost real weight, I felt like I wanted to try it.

Now, this post isn't going to be about HCG. I'm not here to tell you what it is, how it works, or the merits of it. But I did find both Kristen's post and this blog extremely informative. If you have an interest in it, and are looking for real people to share their real experiences, I'd start there.

I was nervous, so I brought my husband (reluctantly) on board with me. We ate SUPER low calorie (supposedly about 500 calories) and took the HCG tablets for two weeks. We ate grilled chicken, salad, oranges, broccoli, strawberries, tilapia, apples (SO many apples), asparagus, onions, and a green pepper here and there. It's completely lean proteins, green veggies, and certain fruits (all in limited portions, but we were pretty liberal with the fruits and veggies). And it's LOTS of water.

As long as I ate an apple between meals, took the HCG when I was supposed to, and drank the recommended amount of water, I wasn't overly hungry, and my appetite wasn't out of control. My husband said the same thing.

I was down to 171.6 after about 2 weeks, and I felt really, really good. My clothes fit me, I was getting comfortable feeling again. I felt like I could focus on other things in my life besides my weight and my next snack. I felt proud of myself. I felt clean from the inside out. I didn't crave soda or sweet drinks (which has never happened before). And I made the most beautiful batch of cookies I've ever made without so much as licking a spoon. The truth is that I really enjoyed those two weeks, challenging as it was to change my habits. Of course, the appetite suppressant in HCG had a tremendous amount to do with my ability to comply with the diet.

A few days before the two week mark, I started gaining slowly, and reached 173. I don't know what happened. My only guess is that I started eat protein in bigger portions than I should have. We were vacationing in California, and it was hard to be as in control of my diet as I would have been at home.

At the two week mark exactly, I attended BlogHer Food, a food blogging conference. I knew this was coming, and that I wouldn't be done with the 3-week phase of my low calorie eating and HCG dosages. But I decided to end the phase a week early so I could enjoy the conference. I figured I'd put on a few pounds (in fact, I anticipated 5 or 6 within the weekend, taking into account water weight), and I thought I could live with that. After all, the point of this diet was really just to get me to a starting point– a way to put me on track for a lifestyle of cleaner eating habits. I didn't mind if I gained a little back.

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So I enjoyed myself over the weekend, eating pretty freely. I was happy to come home and find that I had only gained 2 lbs. This is where the trouble started…

Complacency set in nearly immediately upon my return home. This entire week I've been trying to eat clean and healthy (not at the 500 calorie mark, aiming for more like 1200-1500), and failing miserably. It's been a week of total binging, and as of this morning I'm at 179 lbs.

Truthfully, I'm thrilled to still see a number in the 170s on the scale. And my clothes are still fitting (a miracle). That's more than I could have hoped for after the past week and a half of ridiculous junk food eating. But I feel so gross again. I feel bloated, and uncomfortable. More than that, I feel deflated and discouraged.

The trouble is that my eating is a compulsive behavior. I know that. I know what my triggers are, I just don't know how to stop it. Or how to replace the compulsive junk food eating with something else. Or how to stop the cycle of diet, crash, guilt, diet, crash, guilt. I haven't found the answer yet.

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The only time good eating habits seemed to come naturally is when I was running (a little compulsively). And I do have good news on that front! In the past two weeks (in addition to my crazy eating ups and downs), I've been doing a lot of work on my foot. I was fitted for new (nice) running shoes, picked up some exercise toys for my foot, and have learned quite a few strengthening, stretching, and pain relief techniques for my Plantar Fasciitis. I've been taking care to do all of these religiously every day, and I'm happy to report that I'm finally seeing some PROGRESS!

I've been on 3 mile walks for the past two days without any abnormal pain following the walks! I think that deserves a quick woot woot! I'm feeling SUPER positive about this, and I'm hoping to be running again by the end of the summer (and I'm crossing my fingers that it's even sooner than that!)!

So anyway.

That's my story of the past two weeks. It's been a bit of a roller coaster.

I want to end this post by reaching out to all of my fellow “chronic dieters:”

I had a thought while I was walking this morning… I was thinking about how embarrassing Skinny Saturday has become for me. How mortifying it was going to be to tell you all that I had actually taken pills and eaten 500 calories a day for two weeks to lose weight and then binged my way back to where I was before. It's not easy to share that. I thought about how much I'm dreading the comments about the dangers of HCG and crash dieting. And about how I couldn't stand to hear one more person advise me to just “find a healthy lifestyle that includes lots of fruits and vegetables and exercise.”

I just hate the thought of presenting myself to everyone each week as this constantly failing “chronic” dieter. But then I realized that it's not necessarily about the number of methods I try, it's all about fighting the battle. It's about being persistent, continually trying, not giving up and letting myself go. It's the old cliched adage of seeing how many times you can pick yourself up after falling down.

So… to any of you who are fighting this battle too, and feel like your “chronic” dieting has made you appear ridiculous to those around you,ย  just know that I believe it's worth continuing the fight.

  • Weight: 179.00
  • Loss: -3.8

Oh, and to anyone who is wondering how my husband did… he lost 25 lbs. And hasn't gained anything back. *eyes rolling*